When my daughter
Meredith was born in 1987, I had been teaching high school since 1971 and had
been married since 1974. (You can do the
math!) Our youngest daughter Catherine
was born in 1990.
When Meredith
entered kindergarten, like most parents, I was anxious. Many of my concerns were about me! As a long-time teacher, wasn’t I supposed to
know about schools? But how in the world
would I know how to parent during her elementary years, when I had spent my entire
professional life in a high school?
We are fortunate
to live in a community with excellent schools. Our school district offers two
elementary curriculum choices: contemporary
and informal. Our first decision was to
choose the best program for our daughter.
Like the other parents, I dutifully visited each program. I had fun visiting kindergarten and first
grade classes, but I didn’t feel competent to make a good decision. Then I had an “ah-ha” moment. I needed to visit fifth grade classes to see
the students before they headed to middle school. I thought I had an
understanding of how the middle school curriculum would differ from the elementary
curriculum. Did these students seem to have the skills and demeanor to be
successful in the next level of their education? After all of these visits, I
believed the contemporary program was best for our girls. My daughters had a
wonderful elementary experience, and we were always pleased that we had chosen
the contemporary curriculum.
Students who do not write down assignments
have always frustrated me. A student’s
success is often based on his or her organization, which begins with knowing
what the assignments are. Consequently, throughout their school years, I
encouraged my girls to use plan books. In the early grades and middle school
years, teachers often had specific ways for students to write in a plan
book. Because my daughters understood
the value of plan books, purchasing a plan book became a priority, even before the
school year started. Plan books can be
very pricey, but I let them choose their own—I could cut corners on the school
supplies’ budget somewhere else. I know
they still use plan books, and I’m sure they are more organized than I am.
We made it clear
to our daughters that we expected them to always do their work. Perfection was not the goal. However, they
needed to do their best. As a teacher, I
had seen the results of students’ best efforts.
I also know that students stumble at times, but learning to deal with
those stumbles is a valuable experience.
I tried to find the
right balance when helping the girls with their homework. When should we help, and when should we step
away? Parent involvement at home can be tricky. One skill I tried to teach them
at home was how to break down projects and other work into smaller tasks. I helped them work one step at a time. When one of them had a project, we sat down
with her plan book to figure out what needed to be done each day. Even when teachers gave interim due dates
for projects, I helped them break down the work.
Taking the
initiative to talk to a teacher can be difficult for students. Asking for a teacher’s help is sometimes
easier said than done. I wanted the
girls to know that the first step for help was always talking to their
teachers. Also, always take advantage of any extra help opportunities
offered. This is a lesson they have
learned well--when my daughters went to college, I know they took advantage of
any professor’s office hours and went to many extra study sessions.
We attended the
parent-teacher conferences and school open houses. I was happy to be on the parent-side of the
conference table. I had questions, but mainly I was there to listen. The teachers knew best about the girls’
classroom experiences.
When I talk to my
young teacher friends, I like to give them confidence that they are better
parents because they teach high school.
Parenting is hard work, and parenting while having a career is really
hard work! As I look back on our girls’ school years, I
wonder how our family juggled everything. (Of course, my husband and I were
younger then!)
I have no illusions
that we were perfect parents, and I expect no special accolades. We were always fortunate to have healthy
children, secure jobs, and good schools. We know that many parents have much
more challenging situations. Dean and I
tried our best, and today we are very proud of how our daughters “turned
out”.
